1. It’s not armor…It’s just Sprinkles has quite specific sexual requests
2. How can you rub something that’s not there?!
4. Awww…!!! …You bastard, how could you?!
5. Option 2
6. And what if the bear is just stretching up?!
7. A great pic from the old days of Captain Obvious
8. Soo….that’s really why we went to Afghanistan?!
9. Seems like a good start for an awesome story…
10. Fu*king is another great option, which is also a lot healthier.
11. I’m sorry sir, my stop is right on top of that tree. Thank you.
12. No, you can’t
13. She always had a thing for redheads
14. Pretty hard to argue with this one
15. Agree! But…that blue one would totally match my shoes!
16. …to tell me that it’s time to feed the piranhas
17. Other version: Oh, yes! Right there, John! Now…scratch a little lower…nice! You’re a lifesaver!
18. No. Really. It does get weirder!
19. Some people were aware of this ever since they were born…
20. Genius! How come I didn’t come up with this!